Mental health professionals, judges, and lawyers, all agree that it is best to work to minimize the impact of divorce and separation on children.   Parents should do their best to keep the children out of the conflict.

Here are some tips that will help.


  • Tell and then reinforce to your children that they are not the cause of the separation or divorce. Keep the explanations simple, such as “your father and I can no longer live together happily. You need to know that this has nothing to do with you. We both love you very much and nothing ever will change that.”
  • Be extremely careful when talking about the other parent and any litigation.   Your children should not be aware of the details of  legal documents, depositions, and proceedings, and they should not know it if you can not stand their other parent.
  • Allow the children to love the other parent parents and reinforce that the other parent loves them.
  • Create an environment where the children can be free to love both parents.
  • Do not use the children as messengers between parents.
  • Do not say mean, hurtful, or disparaging remarks about the other parent in front of the children.
  • Think carefully before introducing your children to someone you are dating.
  • Do the right thing even if that is not what you want to do.  Consider that all your acts may be looked at by a judge later on.



Scott Allen is a divorce attorney in Raleigh, NC with over nighteen years of experience in all areas of family law litigation and settlement.